An Ephesians 5 Marriage

So, in the grand scheme of things, Husband and I are still pretty new to this whole marriage thing.  4 years and 1 month to the day, to be exact!  But I have to say...I cannot even begin to express how thankful I am for the relationship we have; what God has helped us to build and what might be in store for us in the future.

Why, just a few weeks ago, in a hotel elevator heading back to our room after my friend's rehearsal dinner in DC we were mistaken for newlyweds.  What a compliment!  I am so humbled and blessed that I get to do life with Husband.

This morning, my reading was Ephesians 5.  Such a small portion of this chapter gets too much attention; gets so twisted around as irrelevant and old-fashioned.  Namely, the 5:22-24 part.  The "Wives, submit to your Husbands" part.  But the part RIGHT before that doesn't get enough attention, if you ask me.

Before Paul says anything about what the man and the woman specifically should do in a marriage, he tell us what we BOTH ought to be doing-submitting to EACH OTHER.  The rest of the verses simply explain what that means for both sexes.

I don't want to spend much time on the woman part, but it bears mentioning that "submitting" means that I respect my husband and let him lead me.  I reckon there are women out there who take issue with this.  But it doesn't mean I'm a doormat without a say or an opinion.  In fact, I can't think of anything hotter than a man who is sure of himself; one who I trust enough to make wise decisions and lead our family in a way that takes both his and my perspective into consideration.

I'm glad this isn't what Paul had in mind when he said "Submit."  Though a little friendly wrestling never hurt anyone, AMIRIGHT?  <wink!>

I really do love how practical and applicable the Bible is.  Call me crazy (and many would in this day and age), but it's so refreshing to read this guidance for marriage--to be able to stop over-thinking things and go back to these simple truths time and time again.  They are always here for us.

Which leads me to the man part, the part of Ephesians 5 I want to reflect on.  What exactly does this scripture tell us about what it means for a man to SUBMIT to his wife?  Here's a bulleted list for your convenience:

• Love your wives as Christ loves the church-He DID die for the church, after all.  There are about a MILLION examples in the Bible of what it looked like for Christ to show love to his people, the church.
• Love your wives as you love your own bodies-Ephesians says that men who love their bodies feed them and care for them. (I know I love when husband brings me chocolates and gives me back rubs!  Feeding and caring at it's finest! Anyone?)

Sorry I'm not sorry for getting all mushy about Husband now, but, HOLY COW.  He is the epitome of an "Ephesians 5 Man."  This man.  I can't even.  He loves me so much, I honestly don't understand it sometimes.  He puts me above himself so often I sometimes feel guilty!  He always takes my point of view into consideration; he knows where I'm coming from; he knows my heart.  

Even when we disagree or get upset with each other, I have this deep peace because I KNOW that Husbands intentions towards me are always so, so good.  Even when he makes me mad or hurts my feelings, I RESPECT him.  I trust his guidance.  I trust his leadership.  I trust his ability to make good decisions. I hope I do a good enough job of making him confident that I feel this way.

Knowing what Ephesians 5 says, wanting to be good at marriage, reading about it, communicating about our needs/wants, and praying are what got us to where we are today.  We'll have our ups and downs like all couples do.  But I'm so hopeful that we'll never lose these things we've worked so hard to learn and implement in our relationship.  

Learning which little things most stimulate feelings of love is worth the effort!

Look, I'm all for being an independent, self-sufficient female.  I really am.  We're good at stuff, ladies.  We can do amazing things.  WE CAN DO IT WITH THE HELP OF NO MANNNN!

I know that I am fully capable of making decisions and leading my own self.  But in a Godly marriage, my man has a role.  It's certainly up to him to seek to be an Ephesians 5 kind of man; to let God lead HIM.  But it's also up to me to respect him enough to give him the freedom to lead me. To give up control sometimes, with the assurance that I still have a voice that's heard.  To give him the benefit of the doubt.  To trust him.  And he submits to me by doing everything he can to know my heart; thus loving me, feeding me, and caring for me just as he does himself.

So how does the chapter end?  Paul sums it up again this way:

Relationships can be so hard and exhausting.  We screw up a lot (maybe me more than Husband, oooppsiessssss), and it's not all butterflies and rainbows every day.  But being an Ephesians 5 kind of couple--that's what I'll always want, and what I'll always work towards. 

HUGS,

S 

Dying to Self

Greetings, friends!

As usual, it's been way too long since I've blogged.  And as usual, I have excuses.  But today, I must start by celebrating the END of this year's Open Enrollment!  It's like tax season for us at work.

For the past 6 weeks, we've been creating help guides, cartoons, presentations, newsletters, flyers, posters, email blasts and websites for our clients.  As soon as that crushing load of work is complete, we're all off driving around to schools and giving benefits presentations...sometimes 3 a day.  It's exhausting, people.  And once the presentations are over, I go into what we affectionately call "troll mode" and answer an endless stream of questions in our client e-mail banks.  These are long, bleary-eyed days when I am glued to my computer, and I don't shower until 5pm.

This is what Husband comes home to now.  Hot, right?

Helping people is good.  But I guess I just don't handle the stress of being super busy that well anymore!  I used to thrive on being busy, and now, most of the time I find myself just wanting to slow things down.

But I've got some big dreams, people.  And I guess most of us spend a good amount of time thinking about the things we want; the things we want to accomplish.  And as busy as I find myself, as STRESSED and ANXIOUS and PLAGUED WITH NEVER-ENDING HEADACHES as I've been, I don't think I'm doing ENOUGH. Or at least, not enough of the right things.

This week, in a meeting with the pastor at our church, I was reminded that the best way to get over yourself and your stress and your anxiety is to take your focus off yourself.  Find a way to serve others.  I do my best to help people during Open Enrollment, but it's not enough.  I need to immerse myself more fully in others.  Step away from myself.

Well said, sir. 

I don't think I've even scratched the surface of dying to self.  And it's hard.  Because we all want things.  Whether they are noble things, or material things--we all want things.  We all struggle with discontent.  We all look at someone else, and wish we had what they have, or could be what they are, or live like they do.  It's part of being human.

I think it's fine to want things, and I know Jesus delights in giving us the desires of our hearts.  But too often, our focus gets ensnared in self.  We look around us, and see what we're missing.  We begin to get upset.  We grumble.  We spend all our time thinking about how much we want something different.  We love the gift more than the giver.  We're very much ALIVE TO SELF.

I dream of fancy marble bathrooms, and I have a deep love for beautiful spaces.  But do I want them more than I want God?  

Right off the bat, we live in America: Blessed.  We own cars and homes and go to work every day: RICH by the standards of the rest of the world.  

In the past 48 hours, I've visited like 4-5 retail stores.  It seems with the holidays right around the corner, everyone is partnered with a charity or helping raise money.  At Loft (where I went twice--oops), they are asking for donations to help St. Jude's.  They're doing that at Pottery Barn, too.  At PetSmart, you can spend $5 to buy a cute stuffed dog that will be donated to Foster children this Christmas.

I will give that $5 because I can; and I love stuff like this, but I want more.  I want real connection and the face-to-face kind of helping.  I have a heart for Foster kids, and older kids aging out of the Foster system.  I want to rescue, foster and adopt EVERY SWEET KITTY AND DOGGY that is stuck in a shelter.

Became best friends with this sweet kitty at Atlanta Pet Rescue and Adoption today!

So I am determined to get busier serving.  I have my ideas about what kind of serving I want to do, and I will get there.  God gave me the heart I have.  He gave me the ideas and dreams that I have.  So maybe the answer to my stress and headaches and anxious thoughts is right in front of me.

The bottom line is this; I have more to give than I've been giving.  I need to DO more serving.  SEE more people.  Pet more homeless kitties.  Play with more doggies.

And after a great day....brunch with great friends....a little shopping, a little playing at the animal shelter...tonight, I'm snuggling by the fire with my kitty, and Husband and I'm so thankful for all the blessings in my life.

The furry love of my life! <3

HUGS!!

S

Pursuing Peace

Hello, darlings!

It's a gloriously lazy Saturday here in GA, and darnit, I just felt a blog coming on in the midst of my quiet time this morning.

Psalm 34:14 says, "Depart from all evil and do good; seek, inquire for, and crave peace and pursue it!"

Most of us don't have an issue with the craving peace part.  Who doesn't WANT peace in their lives?  But how many of us are truly PURSUING peace?  I know I want me some peace, ya'll.  I look for it--admittedly not always in the right places.  I ask God for it rather frequently, too.  But when I really stop and think--What am I myself doing to PURSUE it--well, that's a different story altogether.

I read a lot of Joyce Meyer stuff.  And when I say a lot, I mean...A LOT.  She's good, folks.  She's real good.  And one of the things she says is to "Pursue peace with God, myself and others."  So this morning I made a list.  I started to think through what it would mean in my own life to pursue peace with God, myself and others.  I thought about the significance of the fact that, unless my circumstances in life are bright and rosy ALL THE TIME (which they never will be), peace is NOT going to just fall into my lap.  I thought about ALLLLLL the situations in life in which it's a DECISION to be peaceful.

Before I share (some of) my list, let's just take a timeout and talk about traffic.  You who know me (or have been a passenger in my vehicle for more than 30 seconds) know that I.  HATE.  TRAFFIC.  MORE.  THAN.  ANYTHING.  EVER.  I can think of VERY few things in my entire life that have made me angrier than traffic.  We've all been there.

But in recent months, I've realized that the ONLY person who is really harmed by my getting THAT upset in traffic is me.  It's just a dumb thing to let steal my peace.  Some days it's easier than others to try to put a positive spin on it.  "Maybe I'm being protected from getting in an accident."  "This traffic is the result of a horrible wreck; I'm so thankful that I wasn't in a wreck."  "Good thing my sweet Husband is making dinner tonight, and I can just walk in the door, accept the glass of wine he hands me, and stuff my face."

I will never like traffic.  No one ever will.  But I can choose not to let it steal my peace, because it's not worth it.  I've found that if I just pick a lane and sit in it--I'm infinitely more peaceful than when I try to bounce back and forth to whatever lane is moving one iota faster than the one I'm in.  I'll get there eventually.  God has a good plan for my life.

So back to my list.  What will it really look like in my life if I pursue peace with God, myself and others? Here are some snippets:

Pursuing peace with God means....

• Putting Him first every day
• Awareness of His presence moment-by-moment
• Looking beyond my circumstances (good or bad)
• Believing He has a good plan for me

My ultimate goal in this is to keep looking upward rather than inward.  This doesn't mean to ignore my own self--I can't very well do that.  But it does mean to live outside of myself as much as possible. Sometimes, I'm kind of a crappy thing to focus on!  Lucky for me, I can always place my focus elsewhere.

Pursuing peace with myself means....

• Learning to see myself as God sees me
• Not speaking negative things about myself
• Giving up control/letting go
• Focusing on positive thoughts
• Refusing to bow to emotions

We've all heard the saying "You're your own worst critic" because it's true.  Perhaps especially for women.  We're constantly comparing ourselves with others, and finding "proof" that we really aren't good enough, or <insert another adjective here> enough.  But God doesn't see those awful things.  He sees His own glorious creation.  There is a way to love yourself and see yourself the way God sees you without being arrogant or proud.  In fact, I believe that's what He wants for us.  All this beating ourselves up has got to stop.  Look around you, and look at all the people in your life that LOVE YOU (God included).  They ALL think you're pretty great.  I don't want to be so hard on myself.  I can always forgive myself, and try again tomorrow.  If I fall into the trap of believing lies about myself, it will steal my peace.

Last, but not least, pursuing peace with others means...

• Being helpful and generous with my time
• Being a cheerful listener
• Being an encourager
• Not placing expectations on others
• Learning to see people as God sees them
• Refusing to judge--that's God's job

If I said I never judged someone, or placed unfair expectations on them, I'd be a horrible liar.  But when I begin to study what God says about ME, I begin to realize that He treasures ME.  What's more, he treasures YOU and everyone else I might cross paths with.  Why would I choose to see people any differently than GOD does?  Sounds pretty dumb when I put it that way.  So, the next time Husband leaves the door unlocked all night, or someone ditches me, or shows up late, or disappoints me--I have a choice.  We can't choose what people will do, but we can choose how we react.

So, yeah.  That's what has been on my mind this morning.  It's truly a wonderful feeling to release myself from the pressure of getting things right every time; I'm getting it right MORE of the time than I used to, and that's progress.  I love knowing that I WILL screw up, but that doesn't change who I am or what's in my heart.  I can always try again tomorrow (or later today!).

HUGS,

S

I'M IN LOVE, I'M IN LOVE, AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!!!!!

Hello, dear ones!

If you know from whence today's blog title came, please understand that you are truly a kindred spirit.

Also, I'm simply not going to be apologetic about what I'm about to write, either.

I HAVE THE BEST HUSBAND IN THE WORLD.

Today, I realized that I am used to his awesomeness.  This doesn't mean I don't appreciate it--nay nay. What I mean is that his thoughtfulness, quirkiness and love are...in a way, normal to me now.  It means that I had forgotten what it felt like to first experience his amazing-ness.  I don't often think about what it used to be like to be me--pinching myself every time he did something that was so different, so surprising, or so perfect to my delicate little flower of a girly self.

On our 1 year anniversary of dating, Husband made me this album of our first year together.  It has pictures, notes we wrote each other, emails, ticket stubs and more.  It's sitting on the shelf of my desk in my home office.  Every now and then, I take it down, flip through it and smile.  It's been awhile, but I took it down and really read through it today.  In the back, he included all these e-mails that I wrote him while we were dating.  I remember previously thinking, "I wonder why he put all MY e-mails in here?  I'd love to re-read some of HIS old e-mails, too!"

But today, I'm really glad he put my words in this book.  When I read my own words to him, it took me back to those days when I was discovering just how different and special he was; learning that there was a REASON nothing I thought I wanted before him ever worked out.  It seems that the deeper we get into our marriage, the more I've accepted the fact that he ISN'T too good to be true.  And I love that squishy, secure feeling, but I also love being reminded what it felt like to get a glimpse of that truth for the first time.

I remember that so often I was kind of expecting him to decide he didn't like me anymore, disappoint me, or <insert some other hurtful thing some dude of the past did>.  But in my most delicate moments, he always exceeded my wildest imagination.  By like, a lot.

He told me once that he promised to make me fall in love with him again and again.  And boy has he kept up his end of THAT bargain!!

Many of you know that Husband has to travel to the West Coast quite frequently for work these days.  It's tough when he's gone, for both of us, for various reasons.  But he always finds ways to make me feel like he's still around when he's not here.  He leaves me little notes in various drawers and hiding places throughout the house.  He'll send flowers on a day he knows I'm working from home.  If Mom is spending a night with me, he'll buy us wine and chocolate and hide it.  He'll put letters in envelopes--one for every day he's gone--and tell me I can only read one a day.  This past time, he had little surprises in the envelopes with the letters.  My favorite was one where he left money in it, and instructed me that I had to use some on myself for something I really wanted, spend some on someone else, and give some away.

He does the dishes after dinner almost every night.

He listens to me (and actually remembers crap I say!)

He cooks for me (makes some MEAN potatoes.)

He knows me better than anyone.

So many days, I just can't wrap my head around why he likes me so much.  Most of the time, I don't like myself NEARLY as much as he does (I'm working on that!).  But then, I realize, I don't have to wrap my head around it.  I don't need to.  While God often calls us to accept difficult things, He also wants us to accept His blessings.  

Learning to be married is not easy, and it takes time.  We'll never stop learning about each other, and I'm sure we both have A LOT more to learn.  But that's part of the beauty of marriage--two people who don't WANT to stop learning about each other.  Two people who understand that needs and emotions and wants and desires will change over time.  Two people who are willing to change with their partner, learn new ways to love them, and decide never to give up.

I am about 3 days away from turning 32.  Husband and I are celebrating tomorrow, and he has something special planned.  I know it involves the High Museum of Art and dinner out at a place called The Spence.  I don't know any other details, but I can tell you...very few things excite me more than discovering what my love has planned for me. He knows my heart, and whatever it is....I know it will make me swoon, feel undeserving, blessed, and over-the moon for him once again.

I believe that God intended for husbands to be leaders and to model Christ's Love to their wives.  Husband shows me the love of Christ every day.  Every day.  I will never deserve any of it, but I am so so thankful for it!  I've been married for 3 years, 6 months and 15 days.  And I have never loved Husband as much as I love him right now.

HUGS and MUSH,

S