Dying to Self

Greetings, friends!

As usual, it's been way too long since I've blogged.  And as usual, I have excuses.  But today, I must start by celebrating the END of this year's Open Enrollment!  It's like tax season for us at work.

For the past 6 weeks, we've been creating help guides, cartoons, presentations, newsletters, flyers, posters, email blasts and websites for our clients.  As soon as that crushing load of work is complete, we're all off driving around to schools and giving benefits presentations...sometimes 3 a day.  It's exhausting, people.  And once the presentations are over, I go into what we affectionately call "troll mode" and answer an endless stream of questions in our client e-mail banks.  These are long, bleary-eyed days when I am glued to my computer, and I don't shower until 5pm.

This is what Husband comes home to now.  Hot, right?

Helping people is good.  But I guess I just don't handle the stress of being super busy that well anymore!  I used to thrive on being busy, and now, most of the time I find myself just wanting to slow things down.

But I've got some big dreams, people.  And I guess most of us spend a good amount of time thinking about the things we want; the things we want to accomplish.  And as busy as I find myself, as STRESSED and ANXIOUS and PLAGUED WITH NEVER-ENDING HEADACHES as I've been, I don't think I'm doing ENOUGH. Or at least, not enough of the right things.

This week, in a meeting with the pastor at our church, I was reminded that the best way to get over yourself and your stress and your anxiety is to take your focus off yourself.  Find a way to serve others.  I do my best to help people during Open Enrollment, but it's not enough.  I need to immerse myself more fully in others.  Step away from myself.

Well said, sir. 

I don't think I've even scratched the surface of dying to self.  And it's hard.  Because we all want things.  Whether they are noble things, or material things--we all want things.  We all struggle with discontent.  We all look at someone else, and wish we had what they have, or could be what they are, or live like they do.  It's part of being human.

I think it's fine to want things, and I know Jesus delights in giving us the desires of our hearts.  But too often, our focus gets ensnared in self.  We look around us, and see what we're missing.  We begin to get upset.  We grumble.  We spend all our time thinking about how much we want something different.  We love the gift more than the giver.  We're very much ALIVE TO SELF.

I dream of fancy marble bathrooms, and I have a deep love for beautiful spaces.  But do I want them more than I want God?  

Right off the bat, we live in America: Blessed.  We own cars and homes and go to work every day: RICH by the standards of the rest of the world.  

In the past 48 hours, I've visited like 4-5 retail stores.  It seems with the holidays right around the corner, everyone is partnered with a charity or helping raise money.  At Loft (where I went twice--oops), they are asking for donations to help St. Jude's.  They're doing that at Pottery Barn, too.  At PetSmart, you can spend $5 to buy a cute stuffed dog that will be donated to Foster children this Christmas.

I will give that $5 because I can; and I love stuff like this, but I want more.  I want real connection and the face-to-face kind of helping.  I have a heart for Foster kids, and older kids aging out of the Foster system.  I want to rescue, foster and adopt EVERY SWEET KITTY AND DOGGY that is stuck in a shelter.

Became best friends with this sweet kitty at Atlanta Pet Rescue and Adoption today!

So I am determined to get busier serving.  I have my ideas about what kind of serving I want to do, and I will get there.  God gave me the heart I have.  He gave me the ideas and dreams that I have.  So maybe the answer to my stress and headaches and anxious thoughts is right in front of me.

The bottom line is this; I have more to give than I've been giving.  I need to DO more serving.  SEE more people.  Pet more homeless kitties.  Play with more doggies.

And after a great day....brunch with great friends....a little shopping, a little playing at the animal shelter...tonight, I'm snuggling by the fire with my kitty, and Husband and I'm so thankful for all the blessings in my life.

The furry love of my life! <3

HUGS!!

S