An Ephesians 5 Marriage

So, in the grand scheme of things, Husband and I are still pretty new to this whole marriage thing.  4 years and 1 month to the day, to be exact!  But I have to say...I cannot even begin to express how thankful I am for the relationship we have; what God has helped us to build and what might be in store for us in the future.

Why, just a few weeks ago, in a hotel elevator heading back to our room after my friend's rehearsal dinner in DC we were mistaken for newlyweds.  What a compliment!  I am so humbled and blessed that I get to do life with Husband.

This morning, my reading was Ephesians 5.  Such a small portion of this chapter gets too much attention; gets so twisted around as irrelevant and old-fashioned.  Namely, the 5:22-24 part.  The "Wives, submit to your Husbands" part.  But the part RIGHT before that doesn't get enough attention, if you ask me.

Before Paul says anything about what the man and the woman specifically should do in a marriage, he tell us what we BOTH ought to be doing-submitting to EACH OTHER.  The rest of the verses simply explain what that means for both sexes.

I don't want to spend much time on the woman part, but it bears mentioning that "submitting" means that I respect my husband and let him lead me.  I reckon there are women out there who take issue with this.  But it doesn't mean I'm a doormat without a say or an opinion.  In fact, I can't think of anything hotter than a man who is sure of himself; one who I trust enough to make wise decisions and lead our family in a way that takes both his and my perspective into consideration.

I'm glad this isn't what Paul had in mind when he said "Submit."  Though a little friendly wrestling never hurt anyone, AMIRIGHT?  <wink!>

I really do love how practical and applicable the Bible is.  Call me crazy (and many would in this day and age), but it's so refreshing to read this guidance for marriage--to be able to stop over-thinking things and go back to these simple truths time and time again.  They are always here for us.

Which leads me to the man part, the part of Ephesians 5 I want to reflect on.  What exactly does this scripture tell us about what it means for a man to SUBMIT to his wife?  Here's a bulleted list for your convenience:

• Love your wives as Christ loves the church-He DID die for the church, after all.  There are about a MILLION examples in the Bible of what it looked like for Christ to show love to his people, the church.
• Love your wives as you love your own bodies-Ephesians says that men who love their bodies feed them and care for them. (I know I love when husband brings me chocolates and gives me back rubs!  Feeding and caring at it's finest! Anyone?)

Sorry I'm not sorry for getting all mushy about Husband now, but, HOLY COW.  He is the epitome of an "Ephesians 5 Man."  This man.  I can't even.  He loves me so much, I honestly don't understand it sometimes.  He puts me above himself so often I sometimes feel guilty!  He always takes my point of view into consideration; he knows where I'm coming from; he knows my heart.  

Even when we disagree or get upset with each other, I have this deep peace because I KNOW that Husbands intentions towards me are always so, so good.  Even when he makes me mad or hurts my feelings, I RESPECT him.  I trust his guidance.  I trust his leadership.  I trust his ability to make good decisions. I hope I do a good enough job of making him confident that I feel this way.

Knowing what Ephesians 5 says, wanting to be good at marriage, reading about it, communicating about our needs/wants, and praying are what got us to where we are today.  We'll have our ups and downs like all couples do.  But I'm so hopeful that we'll never lose these things we've worked so hard to learn and implement in our relationship.  

Learning which little things most stimulate feelings of love is worth the effort!

Look, I'm all for being an independent, self-sufficient female.  I really am.  We're good at stuff, ladies.  We can do amazing things.  WE CAN DO IT WITH THE HELP OF NO MANNNN!

I know that I am fully capable of making decisions and leading my own self.  But in a Godly marriage, my man has a role.  It's certainly up to him to seek to be an Ephesians 5 kind of man; to let God lead HIM.  But it's also up to me to respect him enough to give him the freedom to lead me. To give up control sometimes, with the assurance that I still have a voice that's heard.  To give him the benefit of the doubt.  To trust him.  And he submits to me by doing everything he can to know my heart; thus loving me, feeding me, and caring for me just as he does himself.

So how does the chapter end?  Paul sums it up again this way:

Relationships can be so hard and exhausting.  We screw up a lot (maybe me more than Husband, oooppsiessssss), and it's not all butterflies and rainbows every day.  But being an Ephesians 5 kind of couple--that's what I'll always want, and what I'll always work towards. 

HUGS,

S 

Dying to Self

Greetings, friends!

As usual, it's been way too long since I've blogged.  And as usual, I have excuses.  But today, I must start by celebrating the END of this year's Open Enrollment!  It's like tax season for us at work.

For the past 6 weeks, we've been creating help guides, cartoons, presentations, newsletters, flyers, posters, email blasts and websites for our clients.  As soon as that crushing load of work is complete, we're all off driving around to schools and giving benefits presentations...sometimes 3 a day.  It's exhausting, people.  And once the presentations are over, I go into what we affectionately call "troll mode" and answer an endless stream of questions in our client e-mail banks.  These are long, bleary-eyed days when I am glued to my computer, and I don't shower until 5pm.

This is what Husband comes home to now.  Hot, right?

Helping people is good.  But I guess I just don't handle the stress of being super busy that well anymore!  I used to thrive on being busy, and now, most of the time I find myself just wanting to slow things down.

But I've got some big dreams, people.  And I guess most of us spend a good amount of time thinking about the things we want; the things we want to accomplish.  And as busy as I find myself, as STRESSED and ANXIOUS and PLAGUED WITH NEVER-ENDING HEADACHES as I've been, I don't think I'm doing ENOUGH. Or at least, not enough of the right things.

This week, in a meeting with the pastor at our church, I was reminded that the best way to get over yourself and your stress and your anxiety is to take your focus off yourself.  Find a way to serve others.  I do my best to help people during Open Enrollment, but it's not enough.  I need to immerse myself more fully in others.  Step away from myself.

Well said, sir. 

I don't think I've even scratched the surface of dying to self.  And it's hard.  Because we all want things.  Whether they are noble things, or material things--we all want things.  We all struggle with discontent.  We all look at someone else, and wish we had what they have, or could be what they are, or live like they do.  It's part of being human.

I think it's fine to want things, and I know Jesus delights in giving us the desires of our hearts.  But too often, our focus gets ensnared in self.  We look around us, and see what we're missing.  We begin to get upset.  We grumble.  We spend all our time thinking about how much we want something different.  We love the gift more than the giver.  We're very much ALIVE TO SELF.

I dream of fancy marble bathrooms, and I have a deep love for beautiful spaces.  But do I want them more than I want God?  

Right off the bat, we live in America: Blessed.  We own cars and homes and go to work every day: RICH by the standards of the rest of the world.  

In the past 48 hours, I've visited like 4-5 retail stores.  It seems with the holidays right around the corner, everyone is partnered with a charity or helping raise money.  At Loft (where I went twice--oops), they are asking for donations to help St. Jude's.  They're doing that at Pottery Barn, too.  At PetSmart, you can spend $5 to buy a cute stuffed dog that will be donated to Foster children this Christmas.

I will give that $5 because I can; and I love stuff like this, but I want more.  I want real connection and the face-to-face kind of helping.  I have a heart for Foster kids, and older kids aging out of the Foster system.  I want to rescue, foster and adopt EVERY SWEET KITTY AND DOGGY that is stuck in a shelter.

Became best friends with this sweet kitty at Atlanta Pet Rescue and Adoption today!

So I am determined to get busier serving.  I have my ideas about what kind of serving I want to do, and I will get there.  God gave me the heart I have.  He gave me the ideas and dreams that I have.  So maybe the answer to my stress and headaches and anxious thoughts is right in front of me.

The bottom line is this; I have more to give than I've been giving.  I need to DO more serving.  SEE more people.  Pet more homeless kitties.  Play with more doggies.

And after a great day....brunch with great friends....a little shopping, a little playing at the animal shelter...tonight, I'm snuggling by the fire with my kitty, and Husband and I'm so thankful for all the blessings in my life.

The furry love of my life! <3

HUGS!!

S