What Are We Waiting For??

So in the past...I-don't-know-how-many months, I've been on a journey to change my thought life.  After all, "What a man thinketh, so is he."  And if I'm being honest about what typically dominates my thoughts, it has nothing to do with what I really want to be!

I have a problem letting go.  Which means I also have a problem "letting God."  I want to stick my nose in, interject, fix, make peace, make pie (ok, fine, there is literally NOTHING wrong with making pie.  Ever.), ALWAYS.  MAKING.  PROGRESS.  I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to make progress, wanting to reach goals, or working towards goals.  But it BECOMES a problem when we become so focused, so obsessed with the "goal" that we forget to enjoy the present moment.

And how many of us can really say--(ala Joyce Meyer!)--"I live in the present and enjoy each moment"? Typically, I can't.  I'm too busy thinking about what I have to accomplish today in light of what I have to accomplish tomorrow, and next week, and next month, and in the next couple of years.  I want X amount in my savings account.  I want to lose X pounds.  I want to move to a new house.

Again, I'm not knocking goals.  But I'm tired of always striving, and rarely enjoying.

I don't want to feel rushed.  I don't want to feel stuck.  I don't want to feel discontent.  I don't want to be stingy with what I already have.  The more I focus on what I don't have, the less I appreciate what I do have.  But this makes sense, doesn't it?  Because the things that I focus on, the things that I meditate on and think about become my reality.  If I'm always thinking about what I don't have, my life becomes a life of lack.

But what if I change my thoughts to something more...purposeful?  If I begin to think about all things I do have, all the things I can give, behave responsibly with those blessings, and believe that God will take care of the rest, my life becomes a life of abundance...of joy...of peace...of hopeful expectation!

I want to live life with more...abandon.  I don't mean being reckless or irresponsible (which I probably couldn't be even if I wanted to!) but I mean I want to love EVERYTHING I have....every minute with myself and others, every possession, every beautiful day, EVERYTHING....while I'm on the way to where I'm going.  I want to spend a little money on things that make me happy--like new paint on the walls, Christmas presents and decorations, and creative ways to give to complete strangers--without worrying that there won't be enough money for me later.

I live with abandon sometimes.  But the moments are fleeting, and suddenly I find myself back in the same old rut--putting pressure on myself to ACCOMPLISH MORE, BE MORE, MAKE MORE, SAVE MORE, GET THERE FASTER.

But I don't believe this is how God intended for us to live our lives.  One of the most freeing thoughts I've ever encountered is this one: that God WANTS us to enjoy our lives.  I think I've bought into some form of a lie about the "Christian life of suffering."  Like, if I'm not patiently and gracefully enduring some trial or suffering, if I'm not living in poverty, then I'm not as valuable to Christ; not as "good" of a Christian.  I'm not sure where this comes from, but I AM sure that God doesn't want me to live my life feeling guilty that I'm blessed!

The truth is that there will be suffering in EVERY life--Christian or not.  But if I spend my time focusing on how much I'm suffering, or that I'm not suffering enough, or when I'll start suffering again, it robs me of the joy I could be enjoying TODAY.  What a waste!  I want to live expectantly--believing that something GREAT is right around the corner; not waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I want to live like THIS:

What a picture!  When I make a habit of enjoying what I have today and trusting God to take care of tomorrow, the pressure is lifted.  And even if tomorrow brings a storm, my MIND and my thought life will already be conditioned to better whether it.  Purposefully filling your mind with positive thoughts will not only increase joy in times of calm, but it will increase calm in times of storm.

This is the life I want to lead!  And now, just so I am sure that I've left you all with something tangible to enjoy today, please watch this video.  You are welcome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKffm2uI4dk


HUGS AND JOY,
S


    

Ask, and Ye Shall Receive!

Hello, friends.

Well, I've been a terrible little blogger lately, haven't I?  Admittedly, I've been a busy little bee--working on starting a couple new divisions in our company, and, lately, driving all over God's green (and increasingly gloriously fall-colored!) earth giving Open Enrollment presentations.

But today, I'm taking the time to write something because, first and foremost, my Aunt told me to, and secondly, because there is, in fact SOMETHING on my heart that I'm finta' get mushy about, ya'll.

If you're with me here in the ATL, you know there's suddenly been a serious chill in the air.  While I MUCH prefer the warm weather, skirts and flip flops, there's always something magical and nostalgic about the cold.  It signals a little rest for the weary during the holidays, and old family traditions that come to life again, even though I'm (ugh) 31 and no longer (technically) a child.

For those interested, this is what Christmas typically looks like around my family.  Sorry, Ryan.  Sorry, Dad.  And you're welcome Mom--you'd kill me if I posted the picture of you that I really wanted to post!!

What is Christmas without Peanut M&Ms??  And bubble wrap all up under yo' toboggan?  

This was probably our crowning glory moment of 2005.

Ah, the "Bear Feet" slippers.  These are mom's feet, but I'm VERY pleased to report that these slippers are currently in my possession.

There is always at least one cat in at least one box.  Always.

Aaaaahhhhh, yes.  Holidays with my family always means lots of relaxing, sweatpants and home made goodies.  And the chill in the air has me particularly excited for THIS Christmas.  Not only because I love the time spent with Husband, Mom, Dad, Ryan, Bethany and the little Nugget...but because THIS year....we get Grandma!  That's right.

You're looking at 4 generations of Kiesshauer goodness right here!

My little Grandma...she's the only one I've got, and on the days I let myself think about it, it makes me quite sad that I don't see her very often.  But she lives up in PA in a little town called Nazareth.  So she's far.  And she HATES flying.  Hates it.  I get it.  I mean, I'm a hot mess when I have to get on a plane these days, too.

Not only do we get Grandma, but we are renting a house in Big Canoe.  THIS HOUSE: http://www.vrbo.com/476218.

Um, can we say excited?!

Now, lest I fail to mention that Christmas with my family means Thanksgiving with Husband's family.  One of the great things about marriage is that you get to discover a completely new set of traditions with your spouses family.  And Husband's family....well, there is never a dull moment.  Here's what the holidays look like when we're with them:  (Sorry Davey, but not really.)

Pretending to fall off a mountain in the Great Smokies National Park.

Dressing up like Gangsters and Taking Photos

And Elf Shorts.  (A little Christmas cheer for all the single ladies out there.)

Anyway, suffice it to say I am a very thankful girl.  Thankful for my family, both immediate and extended, for all the memories we've already created, and all the new memories to come this year.

Thus, despite my ice-cube-feeling toes, I shall embrace the cold as it comes.  Because (next week) it means 3 years married to the best man I could have ever hoped for.  It means Thanksgiving with Husband's family.  It means Christmas with a cancer-free Mom that will feel good enough to make (and eat!) all our favorite holiday meals.  It means Grandma.

Truly, what more could a girl ask for?!

HUGS!!
S
  

Bye, Cancer! You Suck! We Win!

Here is the first thing I saw on Mom's scan results when we sat down in the room at the doctor's office:

YAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm overflowing with praise and thanks today....because my Mom is cancer free!!  That's right, she had just about the best possible PET scan.  When there is lots of hypermetabolic activity on a PET scan, that's oftentimes an indication of cancer, and those scans are said to be "hot."  Mom's scan was completely COLD--paragraph after paragraph of phrases like, "NO HYPERMETABOLIC..." and "RESOLVED...."

Here is the "overall impression" from the scan:

Who knows what some of these words mean--but it's all good!!!!

So what's next?  Well, just surveillance now.  She'll have to decide when to have her port taken out, and she'll have more scans every 3, 4 and 6 months for the next 5 years.  After that, she can go down to one each year.  Probably some of the best words she heard from the Oncologist today were "no more chemo!"  (Chemo is a bit of a dirty whore.  Albeit, she gets the job done!)

I just....am so overwhelmed today.  I am so humbled and in awe of God and the blessings He's given us!  We are so undeserving of it, but I am so thankful for His grace that is promised to us each day.  It is new every day!  Not just some days...EVERY day!  It doesn't mean there's always a happy resolution to cancer, but it does mean that we can get through it.  We can choose to believe there's something we can learn and take from EVERY situation in life.

Probably almost a year ago, I found out my kitty had cancer.  Now, she's cancer free, hopping around on 3 feet like a champ.

About 6 months ago, I found out my Mom had stage 3 lymphoma, and she's here, healthy, and cancer free today.

Recently, I had to take a 50% pay cut...and now husband is slated to get a promotion that will likely make up the difference.

We are blessed, people.  All of us.  And not just in the midst of our circumstances, either--THROUGHOUT them.  These trials have molded (and continue to mold) me in positive ways that I had no idea they would--in all areas of life.  We all have the power to decide how to respond to tough stuff.  Those things can just be problems, or they can be opportunities--but it's always a choice.  I would say a much easier choice when you believe things like this:

If He says it, He doos it. 

When I was locked in the bathroom with 3-legged Jo, I spent my time reading excellent, Godly books about marriage that have strengthened husband and I.

Out of this crisis with Mom has come a deeper relationship with Jesus than I have ever had, and a deeper reliance on Him.  Anxieties start to fade away, and it becomes easier and easier to spend my time thinking about reasons to be thankful instead of reasons to worry or fear.  My prayer this morning was not simply, "Lord, please let her be cancer free."  It was, "Lord, I really want her to be cancer free (duh), but THANK YOU that your ways are better than mine--regardless of the outcome today."

Releasing worry about money has led to weekly random acts of kindness each Sunday, where husband and I give something to a random person we encounter that day.  Side note--this is so much fun.  From giving a $20 to the person behind us at the grocery store, to adding an extra $20 to a waiter's tip...people are so shocked when you give them something for nothing.  There should be a lot more of this in the world, if you ask me!

Love this.  We all always have SOMETHING we can give to others.

Life will always be a journey with ups and downs.  And I'll probably always struggle with lots of the same old struggles.  But one of the wonderful things about being human is that even if you can't change your circumstances, you can change your thinking.  The human brain NEVER stops maturing.  As long as you are alive, you can continue to mature in your thinking, your learning and thus, your life.

So I say again...I am a thankful little bugger today!  And I shall leave you with some wonderful words from Helen Keller, which, I think, sum up the kind of mind I want to have each and every day.

"Be of good cheer.  Do not think of today's failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow.  You have set yourselves a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere; and you will find a joy in overcoming obstacles.  Remember, no effort that we make to attain something beautiful is ever lost."
-Helen Keller

Hugs and love to each of you,
S

IT'S A MIRACLE!!!!

Greetings, Earthlings!

I came across something on (where else) Pinterest this week that pleased me highly.  Thus, I feel compelled to share.  I have no idea if this is real or true or whatever, but I have chosen to believe that it is.

GRIEF BACON?!  Are you serious?  If there's ONE place I happily go when I'm in emotional eating land, it's bacon town.  AMIRIGHT???  Imagine my disappointment when I followed this link, expecting to learn 14 MORE wonderful words, and there were none.  Maybe I'm just kinda slow (very possible), but I couldn't find them.  In any case, I think we can all agree our world is a better place now that the concept of grief bacon has been introduced.

So you wanna hear something REALLY cool and miracle-ish??  After Mom's most recent chemo treatment, she had ALMOST no debilitating side effects.  Usually, she's super tired and nauseous, and has no energy to do anything, little appetite, etc etc...for at least a week.  Sometimes even a week and a half.  (Chemo is no joke, ya'll.)  She was prancing on the treadmill and driving herself places in the days immediately following.  It's been so great to see her feeling so much better!

Her next (and last!) scheduled chemo treatment is next Wednesday, the 24th.  What a wonderful feeling it will be, walking out of that dreaded room, knowing that we don't have to come back.   I am fervently hoping and praying that she has an excellent reaction to this last one as well--because her best friend is coming to visit her on the 31st.  So thrilled that she'll have that to look forward to and as a CELEBRATION!

At her last doctor's appointment, we were told that her blood counts were all NORMAL (praise!) and she's got her PET scan scheduled for August 13th.  We'll have a doctor's appointment after that to hear the results--but all I can think about is GOOD ones.  I'm believing.  Join me, won't you?!

In other news, there's been a good bit of not-so-good stuff happening at work.  Stuff that we would all be completely justified in freaking out about (and I guess we all have, in our own ways).  But can I just say....God is so faithful.  He both gives and takes in His own time, but He doesn't ever let us go.  I have no doubts that we are all being led to the place we're meant to go.  It's very tempting for me to take a hike to worrytown (I'm SO good at that!) but by God's grace, I've been remarkably calm in the midst of this calamity.  It may get worse before it gets better, but we will all be OK.  Also, there's always grief-bacon to turn to if my emotions DO get the best of me.

Solid advice.  Solid.

And on one last work-related note....my Dad has nothing but this incredible GOODNESS, and SELFLESSNESS in his heart for this business.  It is palpable EVERY day, and I know that God is going to use it for something great.  It always inspires me, and it always will.

And finally, I must share that husband's birthday is Monday, and we're in desperate need of some PACKING because...we're off to CHARLESTON tomorrow!  I've planned a birthday getaway!  Very excited to be leaving normalcy behind for a few days.  And what better occasion than the celebration of the greatest husband on the face of the earth?  I can't think of one.  But don't even think about burglarizing us--we have people both Jo sitting AND House sitting.  So there.

Until next time, I leave you with this wonderful notion!

HUGS,
S

Happiness Is: Painting, Flailing and Smaller Lymph Nodes

Why, hello friends!

Is anyone out there VERY responsive to caffeinated energy-type drinks?  I am.  I'm not talking about gross-tasting poisonous crap like Red Bull--I never drink those.  But, sometimes, I will see some kind of energy-related Vitamin Water or the like, and I have to try them.  Mostly because I can't EVER seem to get up early enough to work out before work, so most weekday workouts occur after dinner.  And ya'll.  Most times I need some help feeling energetic when I work out at 7 or 8pm.

So recently, I came across THIS little gem at Target.

Not only had I never SEEN the likes of this drink before, but it promised to do the following for me:

• increase alertness
• promote concentration
• reduce mental fatigue
• support memory

Oh, and it contains a "proprietary blend" of 375mg caffeine, taurine, and a bunch of other crap.  There is a warning on the bottle NOT to let kids under 12 OR people who are sensitive to caffeine drink this drink.  Oops.  

Undaunted, I sipped on this sucker last night, thinking, "I'm sure this will make getting on the elliptical machine more fun!"

Ya'll--I cranked up some music...but I didn't get on the elliptical machine.  No.  Instead,  I flailed and bounced and jumped and twirled and generally freaked out for a solid 25 minutes.  If I had ANY rhythm at all, this might could have been referred to as "dancing."  It was SO fun and freeing to flail and sing along at the top of my lungs to embarrassing artists like Selena Gomez!!  This is what I felt like:

Perhaps part of my un-inhibitedness had SOMETHING to do with the fact that husband was in Boston for work, and I was not expecting him home until after 11pm.  Well, unbeknownst to me (and...quite luckily for him, I can assure you), he caught an earlier flight home.  That's right--he caught me doing this.  And were I in a non-neurosonic-induced state, I may have been VERY startled or embarrassed.  But instead, I just kept right on flailing and insisted he join me.  Poor guy.  

I also spent part of last night searching for inspiration for my next art class which starts tonight.  (Thanks to the Neurosonic, I was VERY focused.)  I have LOVED doing this art class.  Not only because I get to see my friends on the regular, but because I literally don't think about ANYTHING else when I'm there.  It's been so fun and soothing to just...create.  Even if my "creation" is just a copy of something that I really like.  Here are the top contenders for copy-catting this time around:

I've also considered painting some colorful fruit....perhaps to hang in my kitchen somewhere?

Tropical things make me happy.  Thus, I must paint them!  Painting makes me happy.  Creating makes me happy.  FLAILING makes me happy!  Know what else makes me GIDDY with GLEE??  My Mom's CT scan results.

SO, onto the REAL reason you are all here.  Most of you know that on Tuesday, my Mom got a call from her Oncologist saying that the results of her CT scan from last week MADE HIS DAY.  This was all I needed to hear to be excited, but I was still looking forward her appointment today!  We didn't get TOO much more information, but we did get to see and read the report.

Highlights:

• Biggest lymph nodes are noticeably smaller
• No new activity
• Several nodes are completely normal/"resolved"

WOO HOO!!  So, she's got two more chemo treatments (one is next Wednesday), then she'll get another CT and a PET scan.  Her blood cell counts were outstanding.  Everything was positive.  We are so thankful, and I feel like we are finally in the home stretch with this garbage! 

And thanks to my WONDERFUL friend Andrea, Mom and I have a gift card to go get manicures and celebrate at some fancy place in Vinings on Saturday.  This will OBVIOUSLY be proceeded by a sleepover Friday night.  WEEEEE!  

It's called "Posh Spot." Fancy pants, right??

So, next time I blog, I hope to have nicely manicured nails and even more good news.  

Until then-

HUGS,

S

Who Wants Some BBQ Chicken Pizza?! (I promise there's a recipe in here)

Hello, friends!  Long time no blog.

Most of you know I've been completely pre-occupied with my kitty, Jo, and her transition into life with three legs.  It's not been MUCH of a transition, yet, as we both essentially lived in the bathroom Tuesday-Sunday.  She's been confined to "upstairs only" since Monday.  But SAINTS BE PRAISED, she gets her staples out (and therefore her cone head OFF) at 9:30 tomorrow morning.  (Insert sigh of relief).

This is back when Jo still had her fuzzy bed privileges during "bathroom living".  BEFORE she had a disgusting poop in there that ruined at least 3 hours of my Friday afternoon.

I must also take a moment to say how incredibly thankful I am that husband was willing to partake in the crazy-cat lady behavior with me this week!  He even slept on the air mattress in the bathroom with her so I could have a break, AND made her TWO custom litter boxes (none of which she actually ended up using).  I'm not positive, but I'm thinking that LOTS of husbands would just tell me I'm crazy and I can sleep in the bathroom if I want to.  But not mine.  He always makes an effort to care about the things I care about.  And oh, do I love him for it!!

But Jo is starting to feel back to normal, and she recently re-received her fuzzy bed privileges now that's she's OUT of the bathroom.  Here is a short picture journey that she would like me to share with all of you.

First moments home from the vet.  Note the wonky eyes.  She's so drugged up in this photo.

Whenever she was feeling the most depressed, she'd just lay by the toilet.  Pretty sad, really.

We took her cone head off sometimes.  But eventually, she couldn't be trusted NOT to lick.

As you can see, since she can't lick anything else with her cone head on, she just licks it instead.

This is serious contentment/lounging.

And if you had any doubts as to just how much of a crazy cat lady I ACTUALLY am, here's a selfie of Jo and I that I took on our last night in the bathroom.

OK, so we DID get out of the bathroom this past weekend for long enough to do SOME fun things...like make a homemade BBQ Chicken Pizza!!  MAN, was it good.  I'd like to take credit for my mixture of ingredients, but really it was inspired by California Pizza Kitchen's version of this pizza.  Which I love.

So we started with a pillsbury thin pizza crust.  Yes...it comes in one of those bursty-can things like biscuits or crescent rolls do.  Weirdly, I refuse to open them.  I made husband do it.  I just hate the jack-in-the-box type waiting for the thing to pop open.  It's the same reason I don't open champagne. Anyway, this is what it looks like, although I suspect if you are an expert at using a more "real" type pizza dough, this recipe might be even better!

So anyways, you just pop this sucker open and roll it out onto a cookie sheet that you've sprayed with cooking spray.  You have to pre-bake it for 5 minutes at 400 degrees.  

Next, you put 1/2 cup of sauce on it.  I used BONE-SUCKIN-SAUCE because it's freakin' delicious.  Then, I layered on some shredded cheese...sharp cheddar and monterey jack.  MMMMMM!  Next, I chopped up MAYBE 1/4 cup of red onion...chop it really small, ya'll.  Big chunks of red onion make me want to die.  They're gross.  Husband grilled some chicken tenderloins with BBQ sauce on them, so I chopped those up and put them on top too.  I probably only used about 4-5 of them, but it all depends on how much chicken you want!

Then, we popped it back in the oven for about 8 more minutes.  While this is not my favorite crust in the WHOLE world, it DOES get very crispy which I appreciate.  When it was all melty and golden-crusty, I took it out and put a couple tablespoons each of chopped scallions and cilantro on top.  Ya'll.  It was SO good!  I experiment with cooking a lot, but I don't always want to make my experiments ever again.  This one...I do.  May I present...the finished, delicious product!

Ok, so here is the actual recipe that I promised:

1 Can Pillsbury Thin Crust Pizza Dough

Olive Oil Cooking Spray (or PAM.  Whatevs)

1/2 Cup BBQ Sauce (plus more to put on the chicken as you grill it)

4-5 Chicken Tenders (or more if you crazy)

1 1/2 cup Cheese (I used Sharp Cheddar and Monterrey Jack)

1/4 cup finely chopped Red Onion

2 Tbsp chopped Scallions

2 Tbsp chopped Cilantro

Pre-heat oven to 400, and turn on yo' grill.  Brush the chicken tenders with BBQ sauce, then grill.  Unroll the pizza dough onto a lightly greased cookie sheet, and pre-bake for 5 minutes.  Put BBQ Sauce, cheese, onion and chopped grilled chicken on crust.  Put it back in the oven for about 6-10 minutes.  When it looks all melty and golden-crust-y, take it out.  Sprinkle the chopped scallions and cilantro on it.  Slice and ENJOY!!!

I also recommend drinking wine with this.  But I'm no expert on pairing so I'll just tell you that we had a bottle of THIS with it.  Perfection.

Also--quick Mom update...she had her 4th chemo treatment today.  She did good day-of, as always!!  She has scans next week to see what kind of progress we've made.  Say your prayers for good results...I know I will.  :)

HUGS,

S

I'm Baaaaack! (For Now).

Hi there,

You'll be pleased to know that I'm coming to you now, fresh off an attitude adjustment.  That's right--I am no longer in the dumps.  Nothing has changed about my circumstances.  All the crap that was dragging me down is still there.  But after having a complete breakdown last night (and the puffy eyes today to prove it), I've realized some stuff.

I've been too busy focusing on how awful things are to see or enjoy what I have.  I find that most of my worst times are less a crisis of circumstances and more a crisis of focusing on all the wrong things.  Here are just a couple of examples:

I've been so focused on how much it sucks that my Mom has cancer that I haven't had time to be thankful that I can still call her, see her, talk to her as much as I want to.  I've been so upset that my cat is going to have three legs and that I am going to have to watch her suffer that I haven't had time to be thankful that she WON'T have cancer anymore, and that she'll still be my kitty.

It's a matter of perspective, I think....and it's all a part of the processes we go through as humans.  We struggle and struggle and struggle against our circumstances; whether we're trying actively to change things we cannot change, or we're devoting all our energy to fervently wishing things were different.  Sometimes it's so hard to simply accept what we have TODAY and start looking up and being thankful for those things.

I don't want to keep struggling against my circumstances and focusing on all the wrong things.  Today, I went to my niece's first birthday party.  It was such a great day, just watching her opening presents and discovering new toys, and, especially, seeing her first reaction to BIRTHDAY CAKE!

 

Not only that, but my Mom was there, looking super cute and feeling at least a little bit better than she has most of the week.

Tonight, Husband and I randomly went into Home Goods (looking for pillows) and came out with a fuzzy kitty bed that we hoped Jo would enjoy during her recovery.

I do believe we nailed this one.  She's still happily snoozing in this bed as I type.

So, when I really think about it...I have so much to be thankful for.  So many blessings.  And more than enough to get me through today.  And today, that's all I need.


Hugs,
S