Easter in the Hospital

Well...I certainly didn't think this is how we would be spending Easter.  We had a delicious family dinner planned and everything!  And still, I must be thankful because my Mom is stable, and I spent the day with my family.  It's been a really rough several days for all of us; her in particular.

But before I go into update mode, I have to share some JOY!!!  Most of  you know I've been feverishly putting together a little book full of quotes, scripture, and personal notes from family and friends to give to her today.  I'm SO BLESSED to report the following:

• In total, 20 people contributed to this project.
• My mom has 34 inspirational quotes to remind her that she is strong enough to get through this thing.
• She also has 35 passages of scripture to keep her eyes focused on things above.

Here is what it looks like!!  

I cannot tell you all how grateful I am that so many of you helped me do this for her.  She was SO MOVED...she cried, she laughed...but most importantly I could see her spirits lift, and some strength flow back into her.  I felt much better leaving her tonight, knowing that she had so many wonderful words and thoughts to cling to.

Ok, now on to the updates....her biopsy surgery Friday sucked (and that is the understatement of the century).  They punctured a lung (a TINY prick that will heal itself), and we've also learned that she's got some fluid around her lungs which is making it much harder for her to breathe.  Tomorrow morning, she has to have a procedure done to get the fluid out of there.  Once that's done, we're told, she will instantly be breathing better.  She MAY be able to go home tomorrow, but we just don't know yet.

But guys, she's really at the end of her rope.  Anxiety is so high because of all the botched up stuff that's happened to her over the past 72 hours.  We really need prayers for peace for her (and SLEEP!  she's going on like a month with MAYBE 2-4 hours per night), and prayers that these doctors tomorrow will be SWIFT and PROFICIENT.

I'm very thankful that my Dad is going to get up super early and be there with her to relax her before the procedure is done.  I'll likely be taking the afternoon, after-procedure cheer-up shift.  Which is good, because I am very drained!  I know that I need to take breaks and take care of myself, but it's very hard to be away from her.  I feel so much better when she's in my sights!

But this is what faith is made of, right?  It's believing without seeing.  I'm clinging to every bit of faith I have in me, and I just KNOW He is going to get us all through this.  The nurses that she has tending to her are so wonderful and caring.  And I just have to keep telling myself....to everything...there is a purpose, there is a purpose, there is a purpose.  And something greater will come of it all.

She Didn't Poop in My Car!

Many know about it, but few have seen it.  It's an elusive creature.  Wiley, and always poised for quick escape.  Perhaps you've seen a flash of fur as it darts to safety.  Maybe you've even heard a "HISSSSSSSSS" or the stampede of tiny feet as it scurries under a piece of furniture.

But I love it.  And I know it well.  It's my cat.  Jo.

Anyway, Jo is 12 years and approximately 7 months old.  That's getting up there for a cat.  She's set in her ways.  And she's scared of EVERYTHING.  I am really the only person that can pick her up with relative ease.  She follows me around when I'm home.  She sits on me while I sleep.  And still, she runs from me sometimes.

Here are some of her favorite things to do:

Look out the window at birdies.

Completely ruin made beds and proudly sit atop her accomplishments.

Make nests in the covers of said ruined made beds.

So it should come as no surprise that being corralled and shoved into a cat carrier for a trip to see strangers at the vet ensures complete nervous breakdown.  And unfortunately, that typically manifests itself in the form of poop on the way there.  I got lucky today.  Lucky in that there was no poop.  She still peed all over herself.

I think her mood here is obvious.

Anyways, she made it home and is now furiously bathing the vet stench off of herself.

The thing about my Jo is....she has cancer, too.  Hers is a sarcoma, and it's on one of her back feet.  When she was first diagnosed, we were told that it only had a 10-15% chance of spreading (it's a very localized cancer).  We were also told that really the only way to get rid of it is to amputate her foot.  What a horrid idea!  In any case, we decided that the small chance of spreading plus the fact that it never bothers her was not a good enough reason to chop her foot off.  So on with life we went.

Well, today I learn that (disclaimer-this is gross) as the stupid lump grows (which it is) that it might like....POP.  Bottom line is, we've got a decision to make.  Take our chances (and her chances) of POPPING and just let her live her life until it seems to be a problem for her, or have a 3-legged cat?

This 3-legged cat I found via Google search looks pretty happy, right??

Decisions, decisions.  Decisions that I kind of don't want to make.

Is This Real Life?!

You know that feeling when you wake up from blissful sleep and REMEMBER something crappy and emotional that happened?  It sucks.  Life can change so quickly sometimes...and suddenly, you're looking ahead and realizing that things may never be the "same" again.  I must have woken up with that feeling like a hundred times last night.  My first human instinct is to scream "NO!  I DON'T WANT IT TO BE THIS WAY!"  But...

Peace will come with acceptance.  If you let it.  If I will let it.  I've always said that it's SO important to let yourself be a human, and let yourself feel (deeply) all the feelings you feel-I believe that's one of the first steps to healing from or accepting anything. 

Speaking of being a human-please watch this video.  Yes, I KNOW it's an AT&T commercial, but it's probably the only commercial that I've ever actually STOPPED fast-forwarding through to watch every time.  I've cried a lot today, but I still laughed out loud at this girl.

Let us all take a moment to be thankful that we've not been bitten by, and therefore turned into, a werewolf.  But seriously, today, I'm taking time to cry, but I'm also finding ways to laugh.  And I know that all of us are just as blessed today as we've ever been.   

Facebook Rants and Cancer

So, I've noticed several anti-Christian (and I think anti-religion in general) posts recently from one of my Facebook friends.  I vaguely remember him declaring some time ago that he would be deleting anyone he was friends with that quoted scripture.  And just last week, he posted a bit of a "rant" about how absurd it is that Christians say this phrase: "God won't give us anything we can't handle!"  (Side note--I obviously survived the deleting, which means I should probably start posting scripture on Facebook.)  But back to this rant.

Image borrowed from www.planetminecraft.com

He challenged the Facebook world to look around at all the crappy things that happen to people in the world and imagine saying that phrase to some of those folks.  He said several other things, but I think he misses the point entirely, really.  Because if our lives are dictated by our circumstances, wouldn't we ALL be angry and in complete despair?

One of the biggest (and frankly, most freeing) elements of being a Christian is that you begin to see that you don't have to be ruled by your circumstances.  The good Lord has shown me this in so many ways recently...when we begin to LET GO of our circumstances, relinquish control and trust Him, He does incredible things in our lives!

Most of you reading this know that my Mom hasn't been feeling well, and we've been on the diagnosis roller coaster for well over a month now.  Today, we learned that the Oncologist is about 99.9% sure that it's "Diffuse B-Cell Lymphoma." Stage 3.  She needs one more biopsy to be 100% sure.

This is scary, and it hasn't sunk in yet.  There are still lots of unknowns (and things I don't have the brain power left to learn today), and I'm confronted with the reality that I will lose her someday.  I don't feel ready for that in any way-and yet, I know that whenever God chooses to take her, He will also give peace to those of us she leaves behind.  It won't be the end of the world for me, although I imagine that on many days, that's how it will feel.

See, the thing is-my Mom and I will both ultimately look at this diagnosis and say to each other, "God doesn't give us anything we can't handle."  And we'll most certainly add to that, "God can and will use this for something great."  There will inevitably be tough days ahead, but we can still laugh and be cheerful and be hopeful, because we know that God's ultimate plan for us is better than anything we could dream of for ourselves.

Believing in Jesus doesn't mean that you never get sick, and that life is peachy keen and your CIRCUMSTANCES are always peaceful.  In fact, the opposite is often true!  But what believers know that others won't grasp is that we aren't ruled by our circumstances, and that Jesus gives us peace in the MIDST of them.

So, strangely, I find myself saying thank you, Facebook ranter.  Thank you for once again confirming what I know to be true.  We're not to be focused on our circumstances, we're to be looking up.  After all, the God who created the universe is bigger than our circumstances and our feelings.  And that includes fear, sadness and cancer.

What are YOU looking at?

You...you there!  What are you looking at?!?!?!  Oh, right.  I invited you here.

Do you ever have an overwhelming need to create?  I do.  Sometimes it takes the form of food.  Cooking is one of my favorite things to do, and I hope that in due time, you will come back here and be blown away by my culinary genius.  Lately, I've been mildly obsessed with baking things (seriously-anything) in a muffin pan.  I blame Pinterest for this obsession, and am hopeful it will soon translate to pie.

Did I mention that I love pie?  I can't even remember the last time I had pie (fine, it was Thanksgiving), but if you are ever around me and you mention pie, I probably light up like a firecracker and proclaim that "PIE IS MY FAVORITE THING EVER ESPECIALLY CHERRY PIE!!!"  It is for this reason I've paid homage to the delectable treat when selecting a name for my blog.

You can also expect to hear about Jesus here.  I've always been a Jesus-believer-lover, but sometimes I'm not a follower.  But the good Lord is helping me change that, because, really--who wants to hear someone talk the talk without walking the walk?  I want to walk the walk, ya'll.

In any case, I hope that this picture of me looking up into....err.....a sculpture that in no way resembles the female anatomy will make you feel welcome here.

This is a real thing.  In the National Sculpture Garden--Washington, DC.  

Until next time, I leave you with hugs and the notion that even people who love Jesus can laugh at giant vagina sculptures.