Bye, Cancer! You Suck! We Win!

Here is the first thing I saw on Mom's scan results when we sat down in the room at the doctor's office:

YAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm overflowing with praise and thanks today....because my Mom is cancer free!!  That's right, she had just about the best possible PET scan.  When there is lots of hypermetabolic activity on a PET scan, that's oftentimes an indication of cancer, and those scans are said to be "hot."  Mom's scan was completely COLD--paragraph after paragraph of phrases like, "NO HYPERMETABOLIC..." and "RESOLVED...."

Here is the "overall impression" from the scan:

Who knows what some of these words mean--but it's all good!!!!

So what's next?  Well, just surveillance now.  She'll have to decide when to have her port taken out, and she'll have more scans every 3, 4 and 6 months for the next 5 years.  After that, she can go down to one each year.  Probably some of the best words she heard from the Oncologist today were "no more chemo!"  (Chemo is a bit of a dirty whore.  Albeit, she gets the job done!)

I just....am so overwhelmed today.  I am so humbled and in awe of God and the blessings He's given us!  We are so undeserving of it, but I am so thankful for His grace that is promised to us each day.  It is new every day!  Not just some days...EVERY day!  It doesn't mean there's always a happy resolution to cancer, but it does mean that we can get through it.  We can choose to believe there's something we can learn and take from EVERY situation in life.

Probably almost a year ago, I found out my kitty had cancer.  Now, she's cancer free, hopping around on 3 feet like a champ.

About 6 months ago, I found out my Mom had stage 3 lymphoma, and she's here, healthy, and cancer free today.

Recently, I had to take a 50% pay cut...and now husband is slated to get a promotion that will likely make up the difference.

We are blessed, people.  All of us.  And not just in the midst of our circumstances, either--THROUGHOUT them.  These trials have molded (and continue to mold) me in positive ways that I had no idea they would--in all areas of life.  We all have the power to decide how to respond to tough stuff.  Those things can just be problems, or they can be opportunities--but it's always a choice.  I would say a much easier choice when you believe things like this:

If He says it, He doos it. 

When I was locked in the bathroom with 3-legged Jo, I spent my time reading excellent, Godly books about marriage that have strengthened husband and I.

Out of this crisis with Mom has come a deeper relationship with Jesus than I have ever had, and a deeper reliance on Him.  Anxieties start to fade away, and it becomes easier and easier to spend my time thinking about reasons to be thankful instead of reasons to worry or fear.  My prayer this morning was not simply, "Lord, please let her be cancer free."  It was, "Lord, I really want her to be cancer free (duh), but THANK YOU that your ways are better than mine--regardless of the outcome today."

Releasing worry about money has led to weekly random acts of kindness each Sunday, where husband and I give something to a random person we encounter that day.  Side note--this is so much fun.  From giving a $20 to the person behind us at the grocery store, to adding an extra $20 to a waiter's tip...people are so shocked when you give them something for nothing.  There should be a lot more of this in the world, if you ask me!

Love this.  We all always have SOMETHING we can give to others.

Life will always be a journey with ups and downs.  And I'll probably always struggle with lots of the same old struggles.  But one of the wonderful things about being human is that even if you can't change your circumstances, you can change your thinking.  The human brain NEVER stops maturing.  As long as you are alive, you can continue to mature in your thinking, your learning and thus, your life.

So I say again...I am a thankful little bugger today!  And I shall leave you with some wonderful words from Helen Keller, which, I think, sum up the kind of mind I want to have each and every day.

"Be of good cheer.  Do not think of today's failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow.  You have set yourselves a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere; and you will find a joy in overcoming obstacles.  Remember, no effort that we make to attain something beautiful is ever lost."
-Helen Keller

Hugs and love to each of you,
S

IT'S A MIRACLE!!!!

Greetings, Earthlings!

I came across something on (where else) Pinterest this week that pleased me highly.  Thus, I feel compelled to share.  I have no idea if this is real or true or whatever, but I have chosen to believe that it is.

GRIEF BACON?!  Are you serious?  If there's ONE place I happily go when I'm in emotional eating land, it's bacon town.  AMIRIGHT???  Imagine my disappointment when I followed this link, expecting to learn 14 MORE wonderful words, and there were none.  Maybe I'm just kinda slow (very possible), but I couldn't find them.  In any case, I think we can all agree our world is a better place now that the concept of grief bacon has been introduced.

So you wanna hear something REALLY cool and miracle-ish??  After Mom's most recent chemo treatment, she had ALMOST no debilitating side effects.  Usually, she's super tired and nauseous, and has no energy to do anything, little appetite, etc etc...for at least a week.  Sometimes even a week and a half.  (Chemo is no joke, ya'll.)  She was prancing on the treadmill and driving herself places in the days immediately following.  It's been so great to see her feeling so much better!

Her next (and last!) scheduled chemo treatment is next Wednesday, the 24th.  What a wonderful feeling it will be, walking out of that dreaded room, knowing that we don't have to come back.   I am fervently hoping and praying that she has an excellent reaction to this last one as well--because her best friend is coming to visit her on the 31st.  So thrilled that she'll have that to look forward to and as a CELEBRATION!

At her last doctor's appointment, we were told that her blood counts were all NORMAL (praise!) and she's got her PET scan scheduled for August 13th.  We'll have a doctor's appointment after that to hear the results--but all I can think about is GOOD ones.  I'm believing.  Join me, won't you?!

In other news, there's been a good bit of not-so-good stuff happening at work.  Stuff that we would all be completely justified in freaking out about (and I guess we all have, in our own ways).  But can I just say....God is so faithful.  He both gives and takes in His own time, but He doesn't ever let us go.  I have no doubts that we are all being led to the place we're meant to go.  It's very tempting for me to take a hike to worrytown (I'm SO good at that!) but by God's grace, I've been remarkably calm in the midst of this calamity.  It may get worse before it gets better, but we will all be OK.  Also, there's always grief-bacon to turn to if my emotions DO get the best of me.

Solid advice.  Solid.

And on one last work-related note....my Dad has nothing but this incredible GOODNESS, and SELFLESSNESS in his heart for this business.  It is palpable EVERY day, and I know that God is going to use it for something great.  It always inspires me, and it always will.

And finally, I must share that husband's birthday is Monday, and we're in desperate need of some PACKING because...we're off to CHARLESTON tomorrow!  I've planned a birthday getaway!  Very excited to be leaving normalcy behind for a few days.  And what better occasion than the celebration of the greatest husband on the face of the earth?  I can't think of one.  But don't even think about burglarizing us--we have people both Jo sitting AND House sitting.  So there.

Until next time, I leave you with this wonderful notion!

HUGS,
S

Happiness Is: Painting, Flailing and Smaller Lymph Nodes

Why, hello friends!

Is anyone out there VERY responsive to caffeinated energy-type drinks?  I am.  I'm not talking about gross-tasting poisonous crap like Red Bull--I never drink those.  But, sometimes, I will see some kind of energy-related Vitamin Water or the like, and I have to try them.  Mostly because I can't EVER seem to get up early enough to work out before work, so most weekday workouts occur after dinner.  And ya'll.  Most times I need some help feeling energetic when I work out at 7 or 8pm.

So recently, I came across THIS little gem at Target.

Not only had I never SEEN the likes of this drink before, but it promised to do the following for me:

• increase alertness
• promote concentration
• reduce mental fatigue
• support memory

Oh, and it contains a "proprietary blend" of 375mg caffeine, taurine, and a bunch of other crap.  There is a warning on the bottle NOT to let kids under 12 OR people who are sensitive to caffeine drink this drink.  Oops.  

Undaunted, I sipped on this sucker last night, thinking, "I'm sure this will make getting on the elliptical machine more fun!"

Ya'll--I cranked up some music...but I didn't get on the elliptical machine.  No.  Instead,  I flailed and bounced and jumped and twirled and generally freaked out for a solid 25 minutes.  If I had ANY rhythm at all, this might could have been referred to as "dancing."  It was SO fun and freeing to flail and sing along at the top of my lungs to embarrassing artists like Selena Gomez!!  This is what I felt like:

Perhaps part of my un-inhibitedness had SOMETHING to do with the fact that husband was in Boston for work, and I was not expecting him home until after 11pm.  Well, unbeknownst to me (and...quite luckily for him, I can assure you), he caught an earlier flight home.  That's right--he caught me doing this.  And were I in a non-neurosonic-induced state, I may have been VERY startled or embarrassed.  But instead, I just kept right on flailing and insisted he join me.  Poor guy.  

I also spent part of last night searching for inspiration for my next art class which starts tonight.  (Thanks to the Neurosonic, I was VERY focused.)  I have LOVED doing this art class.  Not only because I get to see my friends on the regular, but because I literally don't think about ANYTHING else when I'm there.  It's been so fun and soothing to just...create.  Even if my "creation" is just a copy of something that I really like.  Here are the top contenders for copy-catting this time around:

I've also considered painting some colorful fruit....perhaps to hang in my kitchen somewhere?

Tropical things make me happy.  Thus, I must paint them!  Painting makes me happy.  Creating makes me happy.  FLAILING makes me happy!  Know what else makes me GIDDY with GLEE??  My Mom's CT scan results.

SO, onto the REAL reason you are all here.  Most of you know that on Tuesday, my Mom got a call from her Oncologist saying that the results of her CT scan from last week MADE HIS DAY.  This was all I needed to hear to be excited, but I was still looking forward her appointment today!  We didn't get TOO much more information, but we did get to see and read the report.

Highlights:

• Biggest lymph nodes are noticeably smaller
• No new activity
• Several nodes are completely normal/"resolved"

WOO HOO!!  So, she's got two more chemo treatments (one is next Wednesday), then she'll get another CT and a PET scan.  Her blood cell counts were outstanding.  Everything was positive.  We are so thankful, and I feel like we are finally in the home stretch with this garbage! 

And thanks to my WONDERFUL friend Andrea, Mom and I have a gift card to go get manicures and celebrate at some fancy place in Vinings on Saturday.  This will OBVIOUSLY be proceeded by a sleepover Friday night.  WEEEEE!  

It's called "Posh Spot." Fancy pants, right??

So, next time I blog, I hope to have nicely manicured nails and even more good news.  

Until then-

HUGS,

S

Who Wants Some BBQ Chicken Pizza?! (I promise there's a recipe in here)

Hello, friends!  Long time no blog.

Most of you know I've been completely pre-occupied with my kitty, Jo, and her transition into life with three legs.  It's not been MUCH of a transition, yet, as we both essentially lived in the bathroom Tuesday-Sunday.  She's been confined to "upstairs only" since Monday.  But SAINTS BE PRAISED, she gets her staples out (and therefore her cone head OFF) at 9:30 tomorrow morning.  (Insert sigh of relief).

This is back when Jo still had her fuzzy bed privileges during "bathroom living".  BEFORE she had a disgusting poop in there that ruined at least 3 hours of my Friday afternoon.

I must also take a moment to say how incredibly thankful I am that husband was willing to partake in the crazy-cat lady behavior with me this week!  He even slept on the air mattress in the bathroom with her so I could have a break, AND made her TWO custom litter boxes (none of which she actually ended up using).  I'm not positive, but I'm thinking that LOTS of husbands would just tell me I'm crazy and I can sleep in the bathroom if I want to.  But not mine.  He always makes an effort to care about the things I care about.  And oh, do I love him for it!!

But Jo is starting to feel back to normal, and she recently re-received her fuzzy bed privileges now that's she's OUT of the bathroom.  Here is a short picture journey that she would like me to share with all of you.

First moments home from the vet.  Note the wonky eyes.  She's so drugged up in this photo.

Whenever she was feeling the most depressed, she'd just lay by the toilet.  Pretty sad, really.

We took her cone head off sometimes.  But eventually, she couldn't be trusted NOT to lick.

As you can see, since she can't lick anything else with her cone head on, she just licks it instead.

This is serious contentment/lounging.

And if you had any doubts as to just how much of a crazy cat lady I ACTUALLY am, here's a selfie of Jo and I that I took on our last night in the bathroom.

OK, so we DID get out of the bathroom this past weekend for long enough to do SOME fun things...like make a homemade BBQ Chicken Pizza!!  MAN, was it good.  I'd like to take credit for my mixture of ingredients, but really it was inspired by California Pizza Kitchen's version of this pizza.  Which I love.

So we started with a pillsbury thin pizza crust.  Yes...it comes in one of those bursty-can things like biscuits or crescent rolls do.  Weirdly, I refuse to open them.  I made husband do it.  I just hate the jack-in-the-box type waiting for the thing to pop open.  It's the same reason I don't open champagne. Anyway, this is what it looks like, although I suspect if you are an expert at using a more "real" type pizza dough, this recipe might be even better!

So anyways, you just pop this sucker open and roll it out onto a cookie sheet that you've sprayed with cooking spray.  You have to pre-bake it for 5 minutes at 400 degrees.  

Next, you put 1/2 cup of sauce on it.  I used BONE-SUCKIN-SAUCE because it's freakin' delicious.  Then, I layered on some shredded cheese...sharp cheddar and monterey jack.  MMMMMM!  Next, I chopped up MAYBE 1/4 cup of red onion...chop it really small, ya'll.  Big chunks of red onion make me want to die.  They're gross.  Husband grilled some chicken tenderloins with BBQ sauce on them, so I chopped those up and put them on top too.  I probably only used about 4-5 of them, but it all depends on how much chicken you want!

Then, we popped it back in the oven for about 8 more minutes.  While this is not my favorite crust in the WHOLE world, it DOES get very crispy which I appreciate.  When it was all melty and golden-crusty, I took it out and put a couple tablespoons each of chopped scallions and cilantro on top.  Ya'll.  It was SO good!  I experiment with cooking a lot, but I don't always want to make my experiments ever again.  This one...I do.  May I present...the finished, delicious product!

Ok, so here is the actual recipe that I promised:

1 Can Pillsbury Thin Crust Pizza Dough

Olive Oil Cooking Spray (or PAM.  Whatevs)

1/2 Cup BBQ Sauce (plus more to put on the chicken as you grill it)

4-5 Chicken Tenders (or more if you crazy)

1 1/2 cup Cheese (I used Sharp Cheddar and Monterrey Jack)

1/4 cup finely chopped Red Onion

2 Tbsp chopped Scallions

2 Tbsp chopped Cilantro

Pre-heat oven to 400, and turn on yo' grill.  Brush the chicken tenders with BBQ sauce, then grill.  Unroll the pizza dough onto a lightly greased cookie sheet, and pre-bake for 5 minutes.  Put BBQ Sauce, cheese, onion and chopped grilled chicken on crust.  Put it back in the oven for about 6-10 minutes.  When it looks all melty and golden-crust-y, take it out.  Sprinkle the chopped scallions and cilantro on it.  Slice and ENJOY!!!

I also recommend drinking wine with this.  But I'm no expert on pairing so I'll just tell you that we had a bottle of THIS with it.  Perfection.

Also--quick Mom update...she had her 4th chemo treatment today.  She did good day-of, as always!!  She has scans next week to see what kind of progress we've made.  Say your prayers for good results...I know I will.  :)

HUGS,

S

I'm Baaaaack! (For Now).

Hi there,

You'll be pleased to know that I'm coming to you now, fresh off an attitude adjustment.  That's right--I am no longer in the dumps.  Nothing has changed about my circumstances.  All the crap that was dragging me down is still there.  But after having a complete breakdown last night (and the puffy eyes today to prove it), I've realized some stuff.

I've been too busy focusing on how awful things are to see or enjoy what I have.  I find that most of my worst times are less a crisis of circumstances and more a crisis of focusing on all the wrong things.  Here are just a couple of examples:

I've been so focused on how much it sucks that my Mom has cancer that I haven't had time to be thankful that I can still call her, see her, talk to her as much as I want to.  I've been so upset that my cat is going to have three legs and that I am going to have to watch her suffer that I haven't had time to be thankful that she WON'T have cancer anymore, and that she'll still be my kitty.

It's a matter of perspective, I think....and it's all a part of the processes we go through as humans.  We struggle and struggle and struggle against our circumstances; whether we're trying actively to change things we cannot change, or we're devoting all our energy to fervently wishing things were different.  Sometimes it's so hard to simply accept what we have TODAY and start looking up and being thankful for those things.

I don't want to keep struggling against my circumstances and focusing on all the wrong things.  Today, I went to my niece's first birthday party.  It was such a great day, just watching her opening presents and discovering new toys, and, especially, seeing her first reaction to BIRTHDAY CAKE!

 

Not only that, but my Mom was there, looking super cute and feeling at least a little bit better than she has most of the week.

Tonight, Husband and I randomly went into Home Goods (looking for pillows) and came out with a fuzzy kitty bed that we hoped Jo would enjoy during her recovery.

I do believe we nailed this one.  She's still happily snoozing in this bed as I type.

So, when I really think about it...I have so much to be thankful for.  So many blessings.  And more than enough to get me through today.  And today, that's all I need.


Hugs,
S

Can I Get Some Prayers Up in Here?!?

Hello Friends,

My apologies that it's been so long since I've blogged; for I have had zero time to do so.  I suppose it's been a combination of being really busy at work (and thus having no brain space left with which to compose blog-worthy thoughts in the evenings) and just being like....DOWN.  In the DUMPS, ya'll.  Sometimes it's just hard to write when I'm having a bad attitude attack.  But alas, I am human.  It's what we do.

I'm sure everyone has heard of the "stages of grief" at one time or another.  But in any case, I've provided this handy chart that shows what they are:

Sorry this graphic is kind of tiny...but ANYWAYS, I think most people assume that this is like, a set process.  But the reality is that people can feel these stages in all different orders and ways.  I know that I did the whole shock thing.  Then, being the Jesus-Follower that I am, I kind of skipped right to acceptance phase.  God has a plan, there is a purpose for this, etc.

There was a LITTLE bit of bargaining in there, as I tried to "take control" of doctor appointments, Mom's care, and read the cancer info packet like a psycho that has an exam the next day.  I've spent a lot of time thinking I had to always be the one with her, and that I was the only one that could comfort her.  I still have a propensity to be that way.   But I've tried to let go of the anxiety of that--because not only do we have to trust God to deal with us in our OWN lives, but we have to trust Him to care for those we love as well.

I can't fix her, but HOLY CRAP I want to try.

The thing is, now that we are "in the weeds" so to speak--Chemo is in full effect, along with all its ugly-ass side effects--I don't freaking WANT to accept it anymore.  Anger?  Check.  And when I'm not just royally pissed off that she's going through this, I'm crying my eyes out.  Depression?  Check.

Sigh.  I suppose this writing is an attempt at something cathartic.  Because this is not getting any easier.  In fact, it's getting harder.  Harder and harder to see her feeling like crap and going through the stages of grief in her own way.  As I look at my patterns for these stages of grief, they are actually quite similar to hers.  And all I REALLY want to do is just super glue myself to her.  Like, all the time.  Somehow, it was just easier at the beginning to be hopeful and believe.

Don't get me wrong...deep down, I know we all still believe.  And my head knows that this is temporary, and that we will get through this.  But I find that lately, my heart just feels like it's being dragged deeper and deeper into this new, scarier version of life in which we find ourselves.

I must also acknowledge that part of my sadness of late is kitty-related.  My sweet Jo is going to have her back leg amputated this coming Monday.  I get barfy and denial-y every time I think about it.  So instead of barfing, I'm posting this video of a happy three-legged cat.  (That's right, I've graduated from pictures to videos people!)

Anywho...the main goal of this post was to ask for prayers.  I can acknowledge that this is easily the most challenging time in my entire life (and I'm certain my Mom's as well), and sometimes, it's simply hard to FEEL that God is here.  But I know it's not about feelings.  It's about believing.  And it really helps to imagine that there are people out there willing to offer up some more prayers for us....for peace, for hope, for comfort.

Because today is hump day....and this is a camel.  But I hope he's like...sleeping and not dead.

Oh, and one last thought...on a MUCH happier note...my little niece (also known at the cutest being ever to crawl the face of this earth) is turning ONE tomorrow!  I can't wait to celebrate with her, even though she won't have any clue what's happening.  :)

Part of the reason I'm scared to have kids is that I can't imagine thinking another kid is cuter than her.  Also, have you SEEN my awkwardly Yoda-like baby pictures?  Oh, no?  Well, don't expect those suckers to show up HERE!!!

Hugs and love,
S

Wiggidy, Wiggidy WHAT? Wigs. That's What.

So I feel as though I have a good bit of updating to do.  Most of you know Mom had her second round of chemo....the day of went OK, but it went downhill a bit from there.  Side effects and whatnot were worse this time...more nausea, more gross taste in her mouth, more general ickiness, etc.

AND, last Friday, Dad shaved her head.  She complains that her head is like, square shaped.  It's not...and it's actually a really cute head, if you ask me.  And as Bethany put it--she looks "hip" with her bald head!

In any case, us gals did a little wig shopping today.  We went to a place called "Classy Wigs" so how could we not come out with something TOTALLY classy?!  In fact, I can't quite figure out why the word CLASSY isn't on their sign outside.

So, upon entering we were greeted by a LOVELY southern lady, and, you guessed it, LOTS of really creepy mannequins.

Pretty sure they will steal your soul if you look at their dead eyes for too long.

We tried on SO many wigs that I think the lady was getting sick of us towards the end, as we choked on our own laughter and selected wigs we knew we wouldn't buy.  I mean, I get it.  Kind of.  Anyways...BEHOLD, the gallery of my Mom in wigs of every shape and size!!

I think this one is super cute.  Even blonde!  She didn't agree.  :)

Looks kinda like an old country-western singer hairstyle, yes?

We all loved this one!  MAYBE you'll see this wig again someday in a different color....

This was like....$375 and didn't even look as nice as most of the others we tried on!

After Bethany said this looked like Roseanne Barr's haircut, Mom PRACTICALLY threw it across the room.

She laughed SO hard when she first put this one on...but it's kinda cute with the bangs fixed up!!

Ick--makes her look waaaaay too old!  

So what did we walk away with today?  Something marvelous.  Something magnificent.  Something that, every time Mom put it on, she SQUEALED with delight.  Nothing made me happier today than seeing her feeling SO good about herself!  It's funny how something like hair can make that big of a difference, but it does.  Here is the gallery of goodness that came from our WINNING WIG!  Drumroll please.....

SHE IS THE CUTEST THING EVER!!!

Here are a couple different views; not QUITE as vixen-y, but equally stunning:

Look at that sucker in the sunlight!!

Straight up adorable.

So, after we found THE wig, we naturally felt like celebrating.  What better place to do that than Steak N Shake?!!?  Honestly.  Bethany, Mom and I split the TASTIEST milkshake on the planet.  I am not kidding.  You have to go get one.  SALTED CARAMEL PRETZEL.  It will change your life.

 

So, all in all, today was a very uplifting and wonderful day!  Just look how happy we all are!

Mission Accomplished.  

Until next time....

Hugs,

S