Can I Get Some Prayers Up in Here?!?

Hello Friends,

My apologies that it's been so long since I've blogged; for I have had zero time to do so.  I suppose it's been a combination of being really busy at work (and thus having no brain space left with which to compose blog-worthy thoughts in the evenings) and just being like....DOWN.  In the DUMPS, ya'll.  Sometimes it's just hard to write when I'm having a bad attitude attack.  But alas, I am human.  It's what we do.

I'm sure everyone has heard of the "stages of grief" at one time or another.  But in any case, I've provided this handy chart that shows what they are:

Sorry this graphic is kind of tiny...but ANYWAYS, I think most people assume that this is like, a set process.  But the reality is that people can feel these stages in all different orders and ways.  I know that I did the whole shock thing.  Then, being the Jesus-Follower that I am, I kind of skipped right to acceptance phase.  God has a plan, there is a purpose for this, etc.

There was a LITTLE bit of bargaining in there, as I tried to "take control" of doctor appointments, Mom's care, and read the cancer info packet like a psycho that has an exam the next day.  I've spent a lot of time thinking I had to always be the one with her, and that I was the only one that could comfort her.  I still have a propensity to be that way.   But I've tried to let go of the anxiety of that--because not only do we have to trust God to deal with us in our OWN lives, but we have to trust Him to care for those we love as well.

I can't fix her, but HOLY CRAP I want to try.

The thing is, now that we are "in the weeds" so to speak--Chemo is in full effect, along with all its ugly-ass side effects--I don't freaking WANT to accept it anymore.  Anger?  Check.  And when I'm not just royally pissed off that she's going through this, I'm crying my eyes out.  Depression?  Check.

Sigh.  I suppose this writing is an attempt at something cathartic.  Because this is not getting any easier.  In fact, it's getting harder.  Harder and harder to see her feeling like crap and going through the stages of grief in her own way.  As I look at my patterns for these stages of grief, they are actually quite similar to hers.  And all I REALLY want to do is just super glue myself to her.  Like, all the time.  Somehow, it was just easier at the beginning to be hopeful and believe.

Don't get me wrong...deep down, I know we all still believe.  And my head knows that this is temporary, and that we will get through this.  But I find that lately, my heart just feels like it's being dragged deeper and deeper into this new, scarier version of life in which we find ourselves.

I must also acknowledge that part of my sadness of late is kitty-related.  My sweet Jo is going to have her back leg amputated this coming Monday.  I get barfy and denial-y every time I think about it.  So instead of barfing, I'm posting this video of a happy three-legged cat.  (That's right, I've graduated from pictures to videos people!)

Anywho...the main goal of this post was to ask for prayers.  I can acknowledge that this is easily the most challenging time in my entire life (and I'm certain my Mom's as well), and sometimes, it's simply hard to FEEL that God is here.  But I know it's not about feelings.  It's about believing.  And it really helps to imagine that there are people out there willing to offer up some more prayers for us....for peace, for hope, for comfort.

Because today is hump day....and this is a camel.  But I hope he's like...sleeping and not dead.

Oh, and one last thought...on a MUCH happier note...my little niece (also known at the cutest being ever to crawl the face of this earth) is turning ONE tomorrow!  I can't wait to celebrate with her, even though she won't have any clue what's happening.  :)

Part of the reason I'm scared to have kids is that I can't imagine thinking another kid is cuter than her.  Also, have you SEEN my awkwardly Yoda-like baby pictures?  Oh, no?  Well, don't expect those suckers to show up HERE!!!

Hugs and love,
S

Wiggidy, Wiggidy WHAT? Wigs. That's What.

So I feel as though I have a good bit of updating to do.  Most of you know Mom had her second round of chemo....the day of went OK, but it went downhill a bit from there.  Side effects and whatnot were worse this time...more nausea, more gross taste in her mouth, more general ickiness, etc.

AND, last Friday, Dad shaved her head.  She complains that her head is like, square shaped.  It's not...and it's actually a really cute head, if you ask me.  And as Bethany put it--she looks "hip" with her bald head!

In any case, us gals did a little wig shopping today.  We went to a place called "Classy Wigs" so how could we not come out with something TOTALLY classy?!  In fact, I can't quite figure out why the word CLASSY isn't on their sign outside.

So, upon entering we were greeted by a LOVELY southern lady, and, you guessed it, LOTS of really creepy mannequins.

Pretty sure they will steal your soul if you look at their dead eyes for too long.

We tried on SO many wigs that I think the lady was getting sick of us towards the end, as we choked on our own laughter and selected wigs we knew we wouldn't buy.  I mean, I get it.  Kind of.  Anyways...BEHOLD, the gallery of my Mom in wigs of every shape and size!!

I think this one is super cute.  Even blonde!  She didn't agree.  :)

Looks kinda like an old country-western singer hairstyle, yes?

We all loved this one!  MAYBE you'll see this wig again someday in a different color....

This was like....$375 and didn't even look as nice as most of the others we tried on!

After Bethany said this looked like Roseanne Barr's haircut, Mom PRACTICALLY threw it across the room.

She laughed SO hard when she first put this one on...but it's kinda cute with the bangs fixed up!!

Ick--makes her look waaaaay too old!  

So what did we walk away with today?  Something marvelous.  Something magnificent.  Something that, every time Mom put it on, she SQUEALED with delight.  Nothing made me happier today than seeing her feeling SO good about herself!  It's funny how something like hair can make that big of a difference, but it does.  Here is the gallery of goodness that came from our WINNING WIG!  Drumroll please.....

SHE IS THE CUTEST THING EVER!!!

Here are a couple different views; not QUITE as vixen-y, but equally stunning:

Look at that sucker in the sunlight!!

Straight up adorable.

So, after we found THE wig, we naturally felt like celebrating.  What better place to do that than Steak N Shake?!!?  Honestly.  Bethany, Mom and I split the TASTIEST milkshake on the planet.  I am not kidding.  You have to go get one.  SALTED CARAMEL PRETZEL.  It will change your life.

 

So, all in all, today was a very uplifting and wonderful day!  Just look how happy we all are!

Mission Accomplished.  

Until next time....

Hugs,

S

Never Give Up...and Believe BIG!

Hello, friends.

So, Mom had her second round of chemo today...and it was another success!  Everything went smoothly during the treatment, and we're hoping that her recovery days (the next 3 days or so) go the same way.  These chemo days are long, though.  We arrived at 8:45am this morning, and she and Dad didn't leave until about 5:30 this afternoon.  But she was just texting me about plans to hit up Cheesecake Factory on the way home for dinner, so I take that as a good sign.  I'll keep everyone posted as to how she's doing over the weekend.

ALSO.....drumroll please....OUR TEAM CYNTHIA T-SHIRTS HAVE ARRIVED!  They are fabulous, and we will be distributing them imminently.

 See above for the picture of fabulousness

So like...have you ever wished, hoped or dreamed for something, and believed SO fervently that it would be yours, and then it all appears to implode and disappear right before your eyes?  I think maybe we've all been there, some more than others lately.  But as I've been learning what it really means to "Let Go and Let God," I can't help but look at things a little differently.  Because every time a dream gets dashed, God has a chance to lead you to a BIGGER and BETTER dream!  And He can do that.  Because He's awesome.  And because He's the one that gives us our dreams in the first place.

I'm reading this INCREDIBLE book right now called "Love Does" by Bob Goff.  It's basically a collection of this guy's stories, and each one is about getting out and LIVING life--right where you are right now, today.  Living the "big life," saying YES to God, not just talking about love, but showing it.  I shudder to think how many opportunities I've likely passed up in life because I was too busy making my own plans to just prance around listening to God and living a life of whimsy.  Anyways...the stories in this book are...intoxicating....(if I must pick one word) and I HIGHLY recommend it to anyone who has a soul.

Perhaps it's obvious that I'm feeling a little inspired today...because someone close to me recently had a very dear dream that appears to have been dashed.  And I was sad about it, just like she was.  But today, I woke up and felt differently.  I felt hope, excitement, and wonder.  I've lived long enough to believe with all of my heart that everything happens for a reason, and that God is bigger than our greatest fears.  

When I was 16 years old, I crawled out the sunroof of my totaled SUV that flipped over in the middle of a busy intersection after being T-boned by a red-light-runner going about 50 MPH.  And I walked away without a scratch.  3 of my friends were in the car with me, and while not all of them were scratch-free, they all walked away.  People that saw the wreck told us they were so certain everyone in the car would be dead, they were scared to even approach it.  But God, He takes things that look like awful, terrible dismay and hopelessness and He injects life, wonder, hope, and opportunity into all of it.   

Everything happens for a reason.  So since I'm so full of this today, I just want to encourage all you dreamers out there, even when it looks like your dream was too far fetched after all, keep holding on!  When it seems like all is lost, look again, look up, and expect that something GREAT is right around the corner.  Because what is the point of worrying or letting disappointment run your life?  I'd much rather believe there is something better than live my life waiting for the next shoe to drop.  

Thus (almost) concludes this installment.  But in case you have approx. 3 minutes and 18 seconds left to spare, please enjoy this video from, like, my FAVORITE movie EVER!!!

Hugs,

S